Congratulations, you’re invited!
Whether your couple is calling it an elopement, microwedding, small wedding, intimate wedding, or something else entirely, the important part is the same: you’ve made a very exclusive guest list.
Your couple chose to spend this incredibly meaningful day with you, and that’s a pretty big deal.
But if you’ve never attended an elopement before, you might be wondering what exactly you’ve signed up for.
Will there be an aisle? Probably not. Will there be chairs? Maybe. Should you wear dress shoes? That depends.
The beauty of an elopement is that there isn’t one prescribed way to do it. Your couple gets to build a wedding day around what actually matters to them, and that often means doing things a little differently than a traditional wedding.
So this elopement guest guide is here to help you know what to expect, how to prepare, and how to be the kind of guest your couple will be thrilled they invited.
Get ready for some blunt, honest advice from your couple’s elopement photographer.
Leave No Trace: We’re All Part of the Cleanup Crew
Many elopements take place in beautiful natural environments, which means we have a responsibility to leave those places just as we found them. This includes respecting wildlife, minimizing campfire impacts, staying on trail or durable surfaces, being considerate of others, and NOT taking that cool rock home.
At a traditional wedding venue, there’s usually a staff to clean up. When everyone goes home, someone else comes in to collect the cups, throw away the decorations, sweep the floor, and make the space look like nobody was ever there.
That probably isn’t happening here.
When you’re celebrating outdoors, we’re all part of the cleanup crew.
That means packing out everything we brought in, picking up trash even if it isn’t ours, staying on designated trails and surfaces, and making sure the ceremony or reception location is completely cleaned up before we leave.
This isn’t just about being courteous. Depending on the location, your couple can face penalties if their group doesn’t properly clean up. In some places, improper cleanup can even jeopardize future access to the location.
So please don’t leave confetti, flower petals, food, decorations, drink containers, or anything else behind. If you brought it in, plan to take it out.
Leave No Trace is mandatory elopement etiquette.
What to Wear to an Elopement
I know. You want to look nice. It’s a wedding!
But an elopement can mean spending significantly more time outside than you would at a traditional wedding, and nature does not care that you’ve got a nice outfit on.
Depending on the location and time of year, you could encounter wind, rain, dust, cold, heat, mud, lightning, or some combination of the above.
In conclusion: layers are your friend.
Talk to your couple ahead of time about the conditions they expect and come prepared. Bring whatever you might reasonably need to stay comfortable, even if it doesn’t make it into the photos.
And remember: there’s a very good chance your couple would rather have you comfortable and happy than miserable because you refused to bring a jacket that wasn’t part of the outfit. Your physical misery will be visible in the photos.
Prepare for a More Active Wedding Day
An elopement isn’t necessarily a hike… but it might be.
You could be walking on uneven ground, climbing rocks, walking over sand, or taking a trail to reach a particularly beautiful ceremony spot. Even locations that look easy on paper can be surprisingly rugged.
This is one reason it’s important to talk to your couple well ahead of time about what the day actually involves.
Ask questions:
- How far are we walking?
- Is there elevation gain?
- What kind of terrain should I expect?
- How long will we be outside?
- Do I need hiking boots?
- Is there anything specific I should bring?
If the answer is “yes, you should wear hiking boots,” please believe them.
Your dress shoes may be beautiful, but they’re not going to be particularly helpful if you’re trying to cross a rocky trail in them.
Therefore it’s important to come prepared for the experience your couple has planned, not the wedding you might be picturing in your head.
Arrive Early. Seriously.
This one is important. Do not plan to arrive at the exact time your couple told you to arrive. Give yourself a buffer.
If you’re traveling through a national park, state park, recreation area, or other public land, you may need to pay an entrance fee. There may be an entrance station. There may be a line. There may be traffic. There may be wildlife causing a spectacularly inconvenient traffic jam. Bear, bison, and elk jams are a real thing.
Your couple would much rather have you sitting around for 20 minutes enjoying a gorgeous view than frantically texting them because you got stuck at the entrance station and are now running late.
And if your couple has invited you to a sunrise ceremony in a remote location? You may need to get up at an hour that feels frankly unreasonable. Set multiple alarms. Figure out what you’re wearing the night before. Know where you’re going. Give yourself more time than you think you’ll need to get ready and drive to the meeting point.
Sunrise is not going to wait for you. Neither is your couple. Plan accordingly.
Download Your Maps Before You Leave
There’s a decent chance you’ll have little or no cell service during some part of the day.
So don’t assume you’ll be able to pull up directions, text the group, stream your favorite playlist, or Google something when you get there.
Download it ahead of time.
Save your maps for offline use. Download any music or podcasts you might want for the drive. Screenshot important information. Make sure you know where you’re going before you lose service.
Basically, prepare as though your phone’s internet connection is going to disappear the moment you arrive. This is especially true if you’re visiting Death Valley National Park or Yosemite National Park.
Don’t Expect an Aisle or Chairs
This is where it helps to reset your expectations. There may not be an aisle to walk down, or rows of chairs.
Your couple may want everyone gathered around them on a rocky overlook, beside a lake, in a meadow, under some trees, or somewhere else that doesn’t come with a built-in seating arrangement.
If standing for the ceremony is difficult for you, please don’t suffer through it silently. Reach out to your couple well ahead of time.
Ask how long the ceremony is expected to last and whether there’s a way to accommodate you with a chair or another option.
The key word here is ahead of time. It’s much easier for your couple to solve an accessibility or comfort concern when they know about it before everyone is standing in the middle of nowhere. They may have had to secure a permit with restrictions on what they can bring into the space, so give them time to figure it out.
Put Your Phone Away and Be Present
Your couple hired a professional photographer to document this day. That means you don’t need to document it. Your job is much more important: be there.
Please put your phone away during the important moments and be present with them.
Laugh. Cry. Cheer. Pay attention. Look at the people you love who are promising to spend their lives together.
You’ll have plenty of opportunities to take your own photos later, and your couple will be very grateful that you let them have the professional ones without an accidental iPhone cameo.
Bring a Flexible Attitude
Nature doesn’t care that we’re trying to stick to a timeline. Weather changes, roads close, wildlife appears. Plans may shift. The best elopement guests are flexible. If the plan changes, roll with it.
Your attitude will impact the couple. If you’re complaining, they will feel the energy shift. If you keep a good attitude and have a laugh at things out of your control, then you will help them immensely.
If the weather isn’t perfect, put on your jacket. The goal isn’t to execute a perfectly choreographed wedding day. The goal is to experience something meaningful and memorable together.
This Isn’t Your Wedding
I’m going to be blunt. I think I’ve been pretty blunt already, but this time I really mean it: keep the judgy comments to yourself.
Your couple chose to do things differently. Maybe they aren’t doing any of the things you would have chosen for your own wedding.
That’s okay. This isn’t your wedding.
Your couple loves you enough to include you in an incredibly intimate and meaningful experience. They are trusting you to celebrate with them, not to evaluate their choices.
If something isn’t how you would personally do it, that’s fine. You don’t have to understand or even agree with every decision.
But you do need to be respectful. Don’t make them regret inviting you.
Enjoy This!
Being invited to an elopement is special.
You’re probably going to see a side of a wedding day that most people never get to experience. You might watch the sunrise together, hike somewhere beautiful, or stand in a place you’ve never been before while two people you love promise each other forever.
You might get dusty, sweaty, rained on, and have to wake up at an ungodly hour. And you might have the time of your life!
Enjoy being a part of something wildly unconventional. Your couple chose you. Now show them why.
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